G, the copywriter, is dead

Shit, defined

I wrote this dark poem during my internship in Shell, Oct 18, 2002 to be exact. I felt a mumbo-jumbo of frustrations for various reasons. A lot of it had to do with how people looked at me, or how I perceived that people look at me. There's this pressure to excel in a field I had no passion for. There's this expectation that people have of me, giving me shoes I couldn't possibly fill. There's this appalling disbelief at how lines were drawn to separate the 'holier-than-thou's from the rest of the 'body of Christ'. And to wrap all that up, there's this uncertainty of my future and despair that possibly, highly probably, I'd be stuck in this shit for the rest of my life.

Shit is a profound word

A word that tells a tale

A curse understood only by a handful

Whose lives seem meaningless

Yet they're forced to trudge

In this life they hate so much

Forced to loiter on Earth's countenance

Guided only by a faint glimmer of hope

Inspired only by thoughts

Of loved ones.

Shit is a void felt
When no one understands
Everyone looks at you
Like you’re something else
It hurts so bad when they’d rather
Believe in a fake you
It pressures when they expect
More than what you can give
It makes you mad when they try
To make you someone else
You’re fed up of living your life
Full of lies for someone else
Like a puppet on a string
Tugged to amuse the kids
Like a bonsai tree
Choked for beauty’s sake.

Shit is how I’d describe
The world for its injustice
Its contradicting views
And man-made laws
How the lowly views the highly
How the highly views the lowly
How differing races, religions
And even denominations
Put aside humanity, respect,
Unity and love
Allowing an invisible barrier
Between you and I.

Shit is an expression
Of anger and disillusion
Of an ancient wound
Unable to heal
Of erupting lava
After years of silence
Of pain and hopelessness
In a world full of glitter
Only because the glitter
Is never meant for you.

Shit is a life
Of unfulfilled dreams
Of wood uncarved
For lack of tools
Of forests unexplored
For lack of pioneers
Of a yearning so bad
For something you can never get
Of a passion that screams in silence
Never to be heard.

The Song

This song was written during one of the darkets moments in my life. Things seemed bleak, having gone from bad to worse. I felt so helpless that I couldn't stop the pain, the angst, and deteriorating situation. I loved them and had never stopped praying for that ray of light. Yet, on that day, it seemed like all hope was lost.

The walls, they seemed to laugh at me, scorn at me. Was all in vain? All those tears? All those quiet times? What was happening and what was going to happen? I couldn't comprehend it. Still, as I put pen to paper, and scribbled my pain into words, this song ended with a reassuring note of Hope.


When the curtain falls
And the hall is empty
D'you look in the mirror
And see someone else?

You can shrug it off
Or wear a mask
So no one can tell

Bridge I:
How you pain and you hurt
There's no one you can turn to
You try to be strong
But you're breaking down inside

Chorus:
Jesus, I can't take it no more
Lord help me heal this land
Jesus, only you understand me
Be my strength, Lord, or I'll fall apart

When you're all alone
And the voices get louder
Saying, "Give up, child, you're going nowhere.
He doesn't care and nothing's gonna change.
You're on your own."

Bridge II:
But I look to the skies
I believe in His promises
I'll wait and I'll pray
Till His hand moves the mountain

Repeat Chorus

A Mother's Day Poem

My very first (and only) attempt at a Mother's Day poem. How I got around to this was, my younger brother came up to me one day and said that he needed me to help him choose a Mother's Day card--one with 'nice' words. I don't know what made me do it, but I just told him there and then that I'd write the words for him instead.

Forgive me, Ma

for these hands

that weren't there to help you stand,

for leaving you at a loss

when you needed me most.

Forgive me, Ma

for these eyes

that refused to cry

even as you broke down in tears

for all those heart-breaking years.

Forgive me, Ma

for this icy heart

that refused to melt, even now as we part,

for all those prodigal years

of girls and beers.

Forgive me, Ma

I wish for nothing more than to turn back time,

so I can say "I love you" while you're still fine.

I just want to say, as I hold your palm,

"Happy Mother's Day, from your son."

Love, metaphorically

Love is the setting of the sun [= beauty]

Love is the tranquil flow of a river [= abundance]

Love is the flight of geese [= unison]

Love is the playful romp of two puppies [= strong bond, bursting with life, cheering each other on]

Love is the falling of a star [sacrifice]

"The Broadcaster's Left the Building"

Thank you, A2J, for the opportunity to be the cell's broadcaster for almost 2 years, through which I have enjoyed revelling in my passion for creativity - for the cell, for God. I had great, nostalgic moments. Now, having moved on, I do hope the best not for the cell, nor for the church, but for you as individuals and my companions of the time.

Incident and Injury Free (IIF) poster entries - 2004

What is IIF? One of Intel's core corporate values is to ensure a 'safe, clean and injury free workplace' for its employees and contractors, hence, the "Incident and Injury Free" motto. Various programs are held in-house each year to maintain awareness and share best practices where safety is a concern. One of which, is the "IIF poster contest" back in 2004. Quote from the organizer: "...the most creative and relevant entry would be the winner...entries will be judged on their originality as well..."

Keen to see how far I could go, I submitted the below entries. Sharp constrasts, a minimal selection of colors and arresting images were used to seize the attention of busy folks - pretty much how ads should function. Image of the "eye" emphasized the word "watch" that followed. Images of "sharp-suited businessmen" and "light-bulb heads" were supposed to represent "professionals", as were most Intel employees. Basically, the message seeks to remind professionals - managers and engineers alike - not to neglect safety practices.

Looking at all the winning entries, I just had to conclude that I probably was in the wrong place, wrong time and judged by the wrong panel. ;)

myWallpaper 1

Created during the wait for a break :(

A storm is brewing...

It's been so long...

People don't write, do they?

~Waiting for your return, ladyG~

2D of Gorrilaz

Sure doesn't look like 2D of Gorillaz - har har har!

Loving My Job

In an attempt to self-motivate while at work, I created this piece that says LOUDLY what every employer wants to hear: "I Love My Job!". The idea was to stare at all the values (Precise, Exciting, Informed, Relevant, Professional, Customer-focused) that seemed to dance around the phrase, sort of 'plug' them into me brains through me eyes, then 'play' them out at work.

I don't think it worked.

Jalan Terus ("Moving On")

I created this piece at that point in my life when I told myself that I needed to move on. It was hard, and I kept holding on to what was slipping from my fingers. Little did I realize that staring longingly at that empty corner had stopped me from looking around the room. No, the room ain't big but, hey, I found another very interesting corner :)

Leap like you defy gravity

I created this in response to Ogilvy's "Raise your sights! Blaze new trails! Compete with the immortals!" :)

Leap like you defy gravity...

Run like you have wings...

Fight the good fight.

Anything for a cause ~www.rebelz.com

Too much caffein, Too little sugar, baby - Oct 19, 2005

There I go again, wishin' I was someplace else.

This is really getting to me -I'm losing it, I know. Everyday is a drag day to me. Bought a couple of CDs, .. a pair of bangles... a really humorous book.. and even straightened my hair.. but I'm still not happy. Ah well, not entirely, that is. They're like drugs -they make you euphoric but only for the moment.

There's this nagging feeling that you're just not you. You just want to breakaway and be someone else. You're not satisfied with your normal day-to-day. You want more than this.. surely there's more to life than this?? And suddenly now, I'm not satisfied knowing that this is perfectly normal for everyone else.

2 doses of coffee to drown away my depression, 2 chapters of "Further Under the Duvet" to amuse myself, and now, I think my mood's slowly picking up. All this caffein and stress ain't doin' me good. I feel a gastric coming. I have the symptoms -wind in my tummy, wind out of my tummy, and feeling eternally hungry.

Ah well.. back to the drag world now. *Poof*

Why Do We Hang Out?

Why do you hang out? Why do we prefer to hang out with certain friends and not with other friends? When do acquaintances become friends, and when do friends become acquaintances?

My answers to these questions led me to discover why I am the way I am now, and I cannot be the Champ of the Hangin’ Out-ers.

Confused? Ah, let’s keep it that way then. Here are my thoughts on the possibilities:

Why you want to hang out with him/her

1. You like him/her.
2. You are comfortable with him/her.
3. You've been lifelong friends and you enjoy reliving past moments with someone who's shared the experience with you.
4. You need someone to listen to your whims.
5. You are lonely.
6. You are simply doing 'your job' of hangin’ out.
7. You have ulterior motives.
8. You want to know the other person better –at least, before you find out if you like or don’t like him/her.
9. You have the free time and you just want to hang out with someone.
10. You are desperate and on the look-out (read "prowl").

Why you don’t want to hang out with him/her

1. He/She irritates you.
2. He/She has hurt you before.
3. He/She nags/babies you.
4. He/She preaches or lectures you when you don’t need it.
5. You are suspicious of his/her intentions of hangin’ out with you.
6. You don’t want him/her to get up-close and personal with you.
7. You have nothing in common to talk about –at least, in your opinion.
8. You just need time alone.
9. You’re an introvert and are not comfortable with the socially-apt extroverts.
10. You are tired and talking drains out more energy from your already haggard self.
11. Language barrier –this is the ultimatum.

So then, which is your reason?

Take the Wheel - Mar 25, 2006

180-degree spin

Trying times. Big decisions, big intentions, big dreams, big jump, big swing, big step, big 180 degrees spin... and big uncertainties.

Who can tell where the wind will blow next? Who can tell if the walls of Jericho would fall once again? Who can tell if the Goliaths in front of me would fall flat with a swing of a pebble? Who can tell if water would gush out of the rock? Or if verdant pasture would spring forth from the desert? Or if, for well over two thousand years, manna would fall from heaven?

I don't know what my future holds for me. All I know is, God is in control. And I believe that He has only the best in store for me. I may not see it now, but I'm sure I'll get to open God's little present for me when the right time comes.

Sitting at the passenger seat
It's not easy to let God be in control. It's not easy to step aside and have God drive instead. There's the agony beyond words.. what's more if you're hurting inside, and no one knows coz no one can see it. There's the inner struggle to not give in to what you would want, simply becoz you know that you can't do that.

So i'm just gonna sit calmly and dottingly next to God while he takes the wheel. We'd listen to praise and worship songs together, we'd have snacks together, we can talk for long hours just about anything.

God is Thelma

But at times, I know, God's have to park over at the shoulder of the road and pay close attention to me rants and hurts. I can tell God anything, and it's OK. I can tell Him if I'm angry or dismayed or disappointed or hurting. In fact, even if i don't tell Him, He'd know, coz He sees my tears everytime I cry.~Love Him~

Grace vs Luck - Dec 17, 2005

Hello, Mr Luck!

Isn't it sad, that many of us just live without a single thought about the grace bestowed upon us everyday? We even take for granted (or "forget"?) that we wouldn't be breathing if not for grace. While others remain nonchalant, some of us are humble enough to credit our unexpected well-being to "luck" -Thank you, Mr Luck. I pray you visit me again next time. Can Mr Luck hear you? Is Mr Luck some living being? How much faith do you put in Mr Luck, that he would come to your aid the next time? Or is it a Que Sera Sera kinda thing that if it happens, it happens? -Mr Luck is busy, so too bad.

Introducing Grace

If you may, I'd like to introduce to you, Grace. No, not Mr Grace or Mrs Grace. Just, Grace.
Grace is when you can wake up everyday, still breathing. Grace is no matter how bad you drive, you still get to your destination safely. Grace is even though your interview sucked, you still got the job. . Grace is when even though you felt you did badly enough to fail in the exam, you didn't fail. Grace is when you have too much to handle alone, you managed anyway. Grace is when your relationship with someone turned sour and you never thought it could get better, it did. Grace is when you've been praying for so long, your prayer's answered one unexpected day. Grace is no living thing. You don't thank Grace. You thank the Giver of Grace.

For those who thank Mr Luck, I suppose you meant the Giver of Grace. For those who are nonchalant, well, Grace is still there for you, as He is gracious, after all.

Thanking Grace

But how long will you wait before you actually acknowledge and thank the right Person? When would you give time to reflect upon the purpose of living? Would you only ask God to take you to heaven when you're on your deathbed? Where do you think you would be if you were to die today, unsuspectingly? By then, it would be too late to even reflect upon anything or ask God of anything.

For those who know the Giver of Grace, each day is a day of His Grace. Each day, there are many things to thank God for -from the smallest to the biggest of things, it doesn't matter -because we know that we wouldn't have made it everyday without Him making it possible for us.
It is sad that some of us view thanking the Giver of Grace as 'weak' or 'incapable of helping yourself' or 'low self-confidence.' Oh yes, to a certain extent, I do agree with you. We are definitely incapable of cloning ourselves, we are not strong enough to stop mishaps from happening, and we certainly have no confidence that we could stop the rage of nature.

It's always been a common misconception that when someone prays, he/she is simply letting God do everything for him/her while he/she sits there and do nothing. I'd like to hereby vindicate what's misconcepted.

Not a Sign of Weakness

Oh yes, we do our part of doing things while we pray. Prayer is still a must while we act, because in doing our best, our best always has a limit to it ie. best. When we pray, we actually build our faith and trust in God, that as we do our best, He will take care of the rest. Only then will we be able to see the limit of our best, and the extension of His grace. Without this acknowledgement that we need to rely on a more superior power, we put ourselves as the superior ones and place all credits to us and our best .. and of course, Mr Luck, if he happened to be there for us when we "just so happened" to be incapable of helping ourselves.

Point to Ponder

Now's the best time to think where you're heading toward in life. If you want to know if God is real, there are many who are more than happy to share with you testimonies after testimonies of His grace.

If you want to experience the joy of living with the Giver of Grace, take a step of faith.

Screwed

SCREWED. We all are...

Yep, that's how we feel, when things go shitty and, worse, beyond our control.

Customer: How come you sell shitty products?

Sales: Whoah, don't look at me, I didn't create the thing. Ask marketing!

Marketing: See? I knew this was coming even before the thing got out. But what are we to do? We pushed for better specs, but the R&D folks aren't exactly cooperative. Sue them!

R&D: Well, we told you we needed more time, you big-time bullies! Eat it (shit) alone!

Marketing: <>

See? All in a day's work.

All Lies, All These While

I have always believed that one day I will be able to use where I am as a stepping stone to get into the world of ad agencies.

I have always thought that something greater awaits me, over there, beyond yonder hills.

I used to say to myself, that I would do anything, ANYTHING for Ogilvy's brood of firms, if I ever got the chance to work for them.

Surely there are territories out there that are simply lying in wait, that only I can conquer! Surely...

Alas! It is time to face life's cold reality. Truth hits you with a phang. Truth shackles you to risks and figures. Truth laughs in your face and shatters the dream you've been holding on to all these years. Truth is no friend of mine.

In time, I will forget the pain. In time, I will move on. But until then, the angst smolders from within. And there is nothing much that I can do about it.

Man I Love

The man I love

Knew... I was the one even at first sight

Is himself, an imitator of none

Sings me tunes that last forever

Breaks the walls of a guarded heart

Makes me smile and giggle out loud

Drives me crazy in love each day

Showers his all and puts me first

Embraces me tight each time I slipped

Sends kisses miles away

Carries my picture in his heart

Has his scars – to prove he loves me

Knows not to give up on me

Shows me what true love is

Is you :X

Sunshine

Ode to my brother. Wish things could be the same as before.

My sunshine was once pretty
With you and I laughing silly
At blue Mondays, flying cows and the bright orange moon.

You were so pretty, warm and funny as can be
I wonder if you knew I loved you so
We had sunshine on our faces, I wish it never had to go
Why won’t you let sunshine live again?

The memories they’re so vivid
I could almost hear you laugh
I just wish that it would all come back
That you’ll stop being someone else
Why won’t you let sunshine live again?